Posts Tagged ‘After’

How To Be Happy Again After Cheating And Infidelity – Advice From The Love Coach

A few years ago I happened to pass by my boyfriend’s phone when it was ringing and I saw a girl’s name appear on the screen. At 11pm. I then realised how often he took his phone with him into the bathroom or how he got text messages without spontaneously telling me who they were from. It was a painful period, and of course it turned out he had another girl in his lifeâ?¦ Now they live together and I’m happy in my love life, but it still hurts when I’m thinking of it. The fighting, worrying, wondering. The lies.

Me and the guy broke up and moved on, but sometimes infidelity is just an interruption in an otherwise happy relationship. It’s most times hard or impossible to justify or understand, but if the life you have together is larger than a drunken incident or a moment of inhibitions, you might give love a chance.

Some advice, if you want to save your marriage or relationship, are:

-      Cheating is external: See the cheating as a big black demon coming into your relationship. It doesn’t matter who was responsible for the act; both of you are hurt and damaged; one is feeling betrayed and the other ashamed. But the problem is best treated if it’s seen as something outside of the relationship that both of you have to fight off, move on from and leave it behind.

-      No blame game: If you don’t see the cheating as a shared problem, the post cheating phase can easily turn into a blame game where you play â??victim and criminalâ?. If you keep on dwelling the past, you will be trapped in the negative emotions and memories. If you spend your time and energy finding ways to be happy from now on, it will be easier to move on.

-      How to move on? This means it is important that you don’t try to find answers or explanations for what happened if there are no rational reasons. Human beings are not always acting smart and we don’t always act according to our values. Sometimes we get carried away and loose control. Only look at the answer to the question â??why did it happen?â? if you also answer â??How can we prevent it from happening again? Accept that the dark demon came in to your life and that you want a brighter future. The good guys win.

-      A new promise: Trust is the key to move on. You need to promise each other that you want to be together full on. You want to love and be loved. You want to be a team – strong and happy together. Tell your partner what you like about your relationship and listen to them. Trust doesn’t come from â??I will never do this againâ?, but from â??I want to love YOU and create a good life togetherâ?. Cheating and infidelity is very selfish. It can’t be justified. The cheater hurts other people, and if you have children you betray them too. But if you and your spouse seriously want to fix things between you, you seriously have to let go of the past. Create a new contract between you. Sit down, hug and kiss, and make promises and plans around these areas:

-      What will make you feel loved?

-      How can I make you happy?

-      What can I do in my life or my own personal development to make our relationship happier?

-      Can we spend more time together, give more compliments, have more sex, go out more with friends etc�?

As a love coach I prefer to give you some more questions, rather than giving advice. The best advice comes from within you. When you are aware of your feelings and understand the situation, you will know what to do.

-      Can I choose to trust my loved one?

-      What do I need (words, promises, attitude, new routines) to be able to trust my partner?

-      Can I get that?

-      If I can’t get it, can I still trust?

-      What does my partner need from me to feel happy in the relationship?

Bitterness and grief is a choice. Happiness and moving on is another. It’s up to you. Yes, it is that easy.

More on: http://infidelitycheatingadvice.blogspot.com

Beyond Valentine’S – Love After The 14Th Of February

It’s a lovely idea to spend a whole day worshipping love, taking loved ones out for dinners and buy teddy bears with cute messages. Valentine’s gives us an opportunity to celebrate our relationships.

But what about the other 364 days of the year?

Let this years Valentine celebration be a starting point for a refreshed, rejuvenated and remarkable relationship. Love and relationship coach Carolin Dahlman is helping people fall in love and stay in love, through one on one coaching. These are her tips on how to find love in your relationship, beyond Valentine’s.

 1.      Find out how your partner wants to be loved.

We are all different and have different needs. Most times we tend to give love in the way we would like to receive it. If you like to be touched, you are more likely to touch your partner. But what if he or she rather wants a compliment? Ask how your loved one wants to be pampered with love. How can you make them feel good? And then start giving every dayâ?¦ Don’t forget to share what would make you happy as well! 

2.      Take time to work on the relationship.

Great relationships don’t just happen. You may think that love conquers all, but why not give it a hand. Give love space in the clutter of evening classes, dishes, parental duties and shopping. Make a habit of spending just 5 minutes giving each other full attention and a kiss every morning or evening. Have a special â??love timeâ? booked in every week, when you feel the love and give, give, give.

 3.      Do not litter.

A lot of couple uses each other as bins for their emotional garbage. You had a bad day and your partner becomes the victim of your grumpy mood. Be careful with your littering. Your energy is contagious and your partner gets affected by you. Stop complaining, criticising or pushing. Be aware of this and start spreading positive energy. Love with your heart.  

 4.      Focus on being happy.

If you are happy, your relationship will bloom. Take responsibility for your needs. Make your voice heard if you feel something is not right, instead of giving silent treatments or such. Figure out what is important to you, to make you feel great and be a loving and happy person to be and live with, and start meeting those needs. Exercise, meditation, time alone, time with your friends? Make sure your partner understands the importance of you getting this. 

5.      Be grateful for being loved.

You are in a beautiful relationship and you have a partner. You are a team. You are friends. You are each others rock, passion and inspiration. Our minds are creating our feelings. If you think of all your partner’s faults and flaws, you will feel miserable. If you think of all the fabulous traits and how happy you are for having this person in your life, you will feel the love. Your head has limited space, so fill it with positive thoughts and you will enjoy your relationship more.

Valentine’s vows

On that romantic moment you share on the 14th of February, why not take the opportunity to promise each other a year of love, and not just a day. Promise each other to make effort and build a relationship that gives you energy and happiness in your everyday life.

 How can love live without the candle light dinner:

I promise you that I will ������������..

I would be happy if you could ����������

For more info and relationship advice www.coaching2love.com

What Is The Next Step After Love, Is There A Stronger Connection?

I have been in true love before but never like what I feel now. It’s far more powerful. And untainted by jealousy or obsession. Has anyone else experienced this or know what it could be? like a soul connection?